Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
