you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
