I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
