awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
