Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
