Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
