Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
