Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
