I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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