New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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