Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
