Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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