This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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