dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
