Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
