how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
