you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
