Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
