I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i will never coherently bang her
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
