apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
