im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
