I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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