So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
