can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
