That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
