Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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