i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
