How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
