Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
