Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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