If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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