Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
