Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
