I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize