Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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