he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
