Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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