Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
