You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
