There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can't turn off my feet"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
