Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
