I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
