People with herpes should wear stickers.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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