I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
