Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize