idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
