just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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