hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
