i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
