I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
