My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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