i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize