I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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