New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
