My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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