i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
