How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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