his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
