I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize