You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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