okay pat passed out under dana's car
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
