First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
