I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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