Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
