No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
