fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
