life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When did angry sex become our thing?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
