she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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