please come you make the beer taste better
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
