Plan B is the new Plan A
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize