it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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