It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
