He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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