No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
