he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
