you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize