is your mom at the bar?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
