is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
