I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
