Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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