New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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