u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize